This is difficult

Up until now I've really tried to keep my blog posts upbeat and emphasizing the highlights. This hasn't been too hard considering we've been all over Spain and all speaking the same language. But now here I am, in a dorm room, in a residencia (dorm) all alone. The Spanish students don't arrive for another week, whereas our intro classes start tomorrow. So while everyone got picked up at the train station by a family, I got picked up my the residence supervisor here, Juani, and handed the keys to my room. She cooked lunch and dinner, but that's about it. I really am on my own.

I haven't felt so lonely in a long time. I've had my fair share of homesickness this trip, but this experience right now is topping it all. New city, empty room, empty building, no English. Its hot and my cheeks are tearstained and sticky.

 I tried to pass the time between lunch and dinner by walking to the university so that I'll know my way tomorrow morning. The city is beautiful, particularly the old neighboorhood by the university. I was also going to pick up some essentials like coat hangers so I could attempt to unpack and settle in, but since it is Sunday, EVERYTHING is closed, with the exception of 24 mini-marts that only sell junk food. This also means that I have no tissues to dry my tears. Later on I ate some dinner, put away what I could, and here I am again. So lonely. I would give a kidney to be in Northampton, in my own bed, in my own house right now. I get choked up even typing this. I want home.

I called Esteban, the program director, and I'm hopefully going to be temporarily moved into a homestay with a family and another girl from the program tomorrow. I can't do this alone in the dorm thing. Alone with a family or with other college kids would be different. But this... ya no puedo. I can't even speak Spanish when answering a yes or no question, I can only remember "ok." No "si."

And really, more than anything, I want a huge, huge hug. No one has wrapped their arms around me with true love, the way my friends and mom at home do. Even one hug would give me just a little bit thicker skin. I'm not even a complainer. This is just so hard. Maybe too hard. And there is really no quick solution. I just have to wait for the morning to see people I know at the university. And they're not even the people closest to me. And I'm so overwhelmed I can't speak Spanish. I want home. Now.